


Sweet, sweet forgiveness

by jupiterscent



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Forgivness, M/M, Michael in the Bathroom, Panic Attack, Regrets, fuck idk, how do people tag things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 20:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10952427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupiterscent/pseuds/jupiterscent
Summary: Michael in the bathroom at Jake's party + Jeremy apologising





	Sweet, sweet forgiveness

_“Get out of my way, loser.”_

Michael stared blankly as he watched Jeremy leave, his head feeling light and his stomach dropping. He couldn’t describe what he was feeling. He had hardly ever felt it before and he hated it. It _scared_ him. The tips of his fingers felt numb and he dropped onto the ground, grabbing his head into his hands and letting large tears drop down his face.

_Loser._

His best friend, _only friend,_ had called him a loser. It stung more than anything he could imagine. For the past _weeks,_ Jeremy had been ignoring him. Michael could take that, but barely. Calling him a loser, though, that was what did it. That was what broke him.

Michael had a crush on Jeremy for years, and now he knew there was no chance for Jeremy to return his feelings. Michael had accepted that long ago, but it hurt for some unexplainable reason. His grip on his hair tightened as he choked out more sobs, his throat swelling up. 

He wanted to scream. To let out all of his anger and sadness and everything he had felt for the past week. But he couldn’t, because he knew people who were enjoying the party would hear. Jeremy would hear. He didn’t want that. 

So, he just put his hands over his mouth to muffle his sobs. 

The room around him felt threatening, and he felt like he was going to choke. Everything was blurry, because of all the tears dripping out of his face. His whole body felt numb and he absolutely hated it. 

The room felt like a prison to him. He knew that if he came out, he would be either judged or ignored. He couldn’t bare either of those. Michael had already been ignored for weeks, and being judged was horrifying. Eyes, just staring holes into you, talking about you behind your back. He shuddered at the thought.

There were bangs coming from outside the bathroom. People wanted to come in. He couldn’t let them, he _wouldn’t_ let them. The noise was too much for him. He tried blocking it out, covering his ears, but the loud bangs echoed through his head.

Breathing was impossible. He was going to die. It was all too much. He was choking on nothing as violent tears flew down his face. In a blur, he stood up and looked at himself in the mirror, only being mortified as a result.

He looked like shit.

He felt like shit. He was scared, and shaking, and absolutely sick to his stomach.

He wished these past few weeks never happened. Wished that Jeremy was still there, supporting him, being a shoulder to lean on. But he wasn’t here anymore. Jeremy left Michael and he hated knowing it.

Michael took a deep, shaky breath and combed his hair with his fingers, preparing himself to leave. He couldn’t stand to just stay in this bathroom when he could hear everyone enjoying themselves.

Michael turned away from the mirror and turned the knob on the bathroom door, caving in on himself and wrapping his arms around his sides as he walked. If he became small, and reserved, nobody would notice him leave.

And, luckily, no one did. He just wanted to get stoned in his basement, forget this ever happened. He just wanted to unwind and break down, be able to do anything he wanted whilst doing so.

And, that’s exactly what he did.

 

***

 

Jeremy and Michael sat on their own beanbags, currently losing the game they were playing. Jeremy had been awfully quiet, too quiet for Michael’s taste, and he didn’t know why.

Michael let out a small whine as they lost and set down the controller, turning to look at his best friend.

“Hey, dude, are you okay?”

Jeremy seemed unresponsive, just looking ahead of him, his leg jiggling.

“Jere,” Michael snorted as he waved his hand in front of Jeremy, “earth to Jere!”

Jeremy blinked for a few seconds until his face went bright red, as he rubbed his neck. 

“Sorry, Michael, I was just thinking. Did we lose?”

“Uh, yeah we did! But, hey, are you okay? You’ve been kinda- uh, quiet.” 

“Yeah, I’m okay it’s just-“ 

Jeremy turned to fully face Michael as he spoke.

“I never told you how sorry I was for the party. You know, uh, calling you a-“

“Loser. Yeah, no, it’s okay.” 

Michael shrugged slightly as he spoke. He knew it wasn’t okay, but he didn’t want his best friend to feel bad. He understood that he was practically being fucking _abused_ by a supercomputer and his brain was super foggy and messed up. It still stung, but he understood.

“It’s- it’s not okay though Michael! I was horrible. I called you a fucking loser!”

Michael smiled weakly, “Well, I mean, at least you understood that it was wrong.”

“Michael! You shouldn’t be so forgiving,” Jeremy was stumbling on his words as he almost yelled, “God, I’m so sorry! I was horrible I don’t deserve you. I don’t know what to do to make it up to you I- shit.”

Jeremy’s hands were trembling as he ran his fingers through his hair, closing his eyes to make sure he didn’t let any tears fall. 

Michael only sighed and put his hand softly on Jeremy’s shoulder, “Alright. What you did wasn’t okay. It was shitty and really hurt, but, I’ve forgiven you. It’s over. You were super messed up because you had a computer in your brain. Jeremy, listen to me. I forgive you.” 

Jeremy leant his head onto Michael’s chest, as Michael wrapped his arms around the smaller boy’s back. He drew small circles into his back, a way to comfort him.

“Hey, Jeremy?”

“Mhm?”

“This isn’t gay if we say bro, right?”

**Author's Note:**

> UH yikes this is bad I haven't written in forever please take it  
> MY TUMBLR IS JUPITERSCENT if u wanna message me or something uh OKAY


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